Me & My Mood Swings

The weekend involved such a spike in drinking (far more than I am currently used to), the days sort of all blurred together there and I kinda lost track of time.

So today is Tuesday, school day. LAST CLASS BEFORE THE FINAL. I am not panicking. Not. Panicking.

Last night after work I was (a) starving and (b) exhausted. I was downloading some cheeeesy movies. It looked like Mean Girls was going to be the top finisher. I planned to eat and possibly shower, then settle in for some pulp fiction and slumber early.

At any rate, I woke up "this morning" (almost noon) feeling like total crap again... my head ached and i still felt tired. I had stayed up really late and watched Mean Girls anyway after Jeremiah left, but this morning I decided to watch Meet the Fockers before I even started the day. I made a pot of coffee and settled in. It was funny.

So then it was down to business. That is the international business of inflation, capital inflows & outflows, tariffs & quotas. Oh this is thrilling subject matter I am learning. The sun beckoned from the parking lot, and I packed a bag and headed for the park. I can't help it, I just have to be outside when the weather is so awesome. I feel like a rechargeable battery getting all juiced up when i am out there.

In any case, I got a couple of good hours in at the park and headed home to get ready for school. I noticed that my head wasn't hurting anymore. I was pumped for class. Had a shower, hit the road. Class was good. I don't feel the least bit confident at my ability to pull this off, but all hope is not lost. I feel good, and am going to work my ass off for the next two days. I even wrote out a study schedule. I plan to stick to it. I'll be setting the alarm when I go to sleep tonight.

Amazing, how in the course of a week or so my mood can go from deathly to inspired. I'm still trying so hard to even it out a little. When things are good and there is clarity (as in now; despite my rage at the intrusion of J), it is hard to believe that a week ago I was tied up in knots and skittish, convinced that every breath could be my last.

I have a lot of flakey theories about the ups and downs. Some include the moon and the sun. Others involve the tonic of music and the catharsis of rock n' roll. I don't think they're unfounded. But I know I have something in me that i can draw from to keep me up. It's purpose and determination, and when i get a taste of it, i feel like dancing.